i dont understand heterosexual sex I mean do you just stop after someone orgasms like the first person is the winner or something
I love this!
As a queer someone who has had a good amount of heteronormy sex under my belt (ah, the good ol’ days), and as someone who works in sex education, I can say with a good amount of confidence that most people DO view sex as a means to an end - the end being an orgasm, and the means often inattentive and self-serving.
Here at K.I.S.S. we teach that sex is a series of acts meant to give and receive mutual pleasure and satisfaction. Each of these acts can be performed individually, or as building foreplay. It’s up to the individual. Also, each of these acts carry a different set of risks. The heteronormative definition of “sex” as “penis in vagina” is an idea that promotes exposure to fluids as well as an expectation for the penis to perform (without delay or pre-maturity or lackluster interest) and the vagina to receive in order for partner satisfaction to occur.
Where does this idea come from? It’s certainly not limited to heteronormative sex; many gender roles and sexual expectations are mirrored in non-normative relationships, such as the top/bottom double standard in gay male culture. Does it have its roots in sex as a purely reproductive rather than recreational act?
There are a lot of questions and misrepresentations here.
Firstly, was sex ever purely reproductive? People have been fooling around for centuries. Extramarital affairs, premarital affairs … the definition of “sex” as “penis in vagina,” the argument that sex is not biologically complete until ejaculation holds no water because I doubt people have ever really adhered to that, especially before birth control and abortion procedures existed or were widely available.
So, if “sex as a means to (potentially) reproductive ends” does not have roots in biology (obviously it does at some primitive/instinctive point but it is not historically supported in practice — people have had sex for lots of reasons for thousands of years — as pleasure as currency), where are its cultural roots? How long has sex been viewed as a game, a race, sport?
Sex has been compared to a hunt in English poetry since the 14th century or even earlier. Women’s sexuality was a spoil of war until … well, it still is. It’s in our language — someone’s a “player,” “chasing tail,” “gettin’ it.” And there’s always an active partner and a passive partner. (giving it up vs getting it)
And what about that baseball metaphor? I mean, what’s the point of even stepping up to the plate if you’re not going to hit a grand slam? I mean, we can’t all be starting pitchers, and there’s nothing wrong with a single — but why be content with getting to first base when you can steal second?
Sex needs to be relearned, not as a hunt or a game or a sport. Okay, I guess sex can still be a game, but it has to be a high-stakes game that everyone can win.
Anyone for some dice?
- A very caffeinated Meaghan